so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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