Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
