Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
