operation have a gay friend backfired
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize