so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
