i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Someone came in the potted fern
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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