I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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