Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
