I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
