Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
