Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
