So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
