let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
