oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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