I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
