when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
