So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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