We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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