Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
