So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
