they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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