am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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