hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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