Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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