So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
