this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
