I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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