i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
