Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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