I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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