What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
