dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
