he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
