I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
