he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
