At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
