I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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