Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
