It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
