Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
