Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize