Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
