it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
