I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize