You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
