I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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