I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
