The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
