If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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