I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
