I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
