While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
