last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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