Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
