my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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