I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize