My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The air taste purple.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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