i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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