Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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