I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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