craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
