drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
