where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
