White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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