having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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