i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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