Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
