They should really pass out barf bags in church
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
