She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
