well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
