remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
